Mothering Sunday and a little about my dear mother

As its Mothering Sunday
I thought, that I
would remember my mother
and, wonder why
in so many ways
she chose that role
and how she approached her
true life time goal

of course, she had me,
at a time when she
was in a control room
she was key
when the sirens sounded
she was there
in her navy blue’s
she was just where
she had to be
in the NFS
a young fire women
with so much stress

the black out
clearly a frightening time
but she proud to serve
and how she did climb
out of the real peaceful world
that she knew
and into that battlefield
so in her view

she had lovely hair
that she brushed every day
a mass of dark curls
that just seemed to stay
in place
despite bombs
and flares
and the Ack Ack guns
she’d say her prayers
and be in the thick of the action
for she
was dispatching appliances
yes instantly

Dad was a leading fireman, who
worked on the fires
with his old crew
they were testing times
for London now burned
a night time barrage
and everyone learned
the violent tremors
and broken glass
all really hoping the flying bombs
pass

ration books
and really times of great woe
but mother apparently seemed to grow
and grow
she ran the home
and she bore me
on little food
and such adversity

and no doubt worried
for dad because he
was in the thick of it
and constantly
the love bug had smitten her
and she did see
and very soon after
she gave birth to me

it must have been hard
for money was tight
but somehow together
they saw me al’right
the Anderson shelter
the sirens although
I was only little
I remember, you know

the way my dear mother
looked after me
wrapped me in swaddling clothes
rapidly
she would get wet
but they’d keep me dry
as we ran to the shelter
I mean she could die

but up in her arms
I was safe
I was warm
with my own little mask
in the eye of a storm

such a harrowing time
for my mother from Lee
to take on a family
and a war and still be
born to a real master baker’s wife
who
made bread and made cakes
and confectionery too

it was so often, wet cold
and dark
but our house got through it all
and mum made her mark
she cleaned and she washed
and always cuddled me
but was scared of the mice
that lived in the pantry

so many mice she would jump
on a chair
clearly these wee ones
did seem to scare
mother but she baked
her fairy cakes there
she was always at home
she showed she did care

One day I recall
I was laying awake
on the kitchen table
in a basket just take
yourselves back all these years
and see what I saw
over the roof
on the house just next door

a plane with a swastika
black on its wings
my eyes met his
now the fright that that brings
his machine gunner
could have cleared me away
with one push on the trigger
of course I would pay

I can still see those blue eyes
that blonde shock of hair
I cannot remember much more
so aware
was I
of that moment
but thankfully he
decided in that split second
to be

off with his wide open eyes
he was gone
I was a baby
lying upon
a table
I really did not know the score
but who ever he was
yes I was now sure

4 sad years later my brother came
but mother for me
was always the same
loving and sweet
a most caring soul
and in her quiet way
she stayed in control

but dad he was grumpy
such a moody guy
he’d soon lost what sparkle
he had in his eye
he did rule the roost
how he ‘d moan at my mum
who paled into insignificance
under his thumb

everyday we went out
to the shops
she would buy
something to cook
and perhaps make a pie
I’d help push the pram
though for me it was high
I would sing and had long curly hair
which was why

mum I think harked back
to when she had me
hopeful a sweet little girl
she might see
this is me thinking about that today
at the time well
it didn’t affect me
I’d say

her way
it was loving and lovely
and I did enjoy
going shopping I was
her favourite boy
those years after the war
brought masses of stress
for really the world
was in such a mess

mum wasn’t happy
she cried such a lot
and in front of me too
which really was not
good for I wondered
what I could do
how could I help her
to be happy too

most of the day
dad wasn’t there
I think mum was finding him
real hard to bear
she was his servant
at his beck and call
he moaned all the time
and just wanted to rule

get this and get that
and do this and try
and make better food
and so she did cry
I think she cried oceans
of tears
and I know
sometimes she was happy
when dad did go

to work
she seemed settled
and quiet in her way
and spent her whole life
really feeling this way
when dad came home
he did not do a lot
he’d just sit in his chair
and moan
and she got

a lot of stick really
for this and for that
the spuds were too hard
the pie was too flat
the sugar was lumpy
the salt lumpy too
the apples were sour
and the custard like glue

all little things
but still I could see
they did mean so much
to my dear mummy
as the years passed
so they did grow apart
I think my dear mum
had a real broken heart

she never had much
that’s now my view
but she loved to read
and I loved to, too
she loved the romances
I got for her
from
Torridon library
with so much aplomb

I chose them each week
and she did love them so
with detective novels also
in tow
she’d sit by the fire
and nod off
then say
get ready for bed Rex
put your soldiers away

I had some lead soldiers
battered and old
and I played on the floor
but did what I was told
with water on meter
we tended to be washing in water
that was cold generally

perhaps with a kettle of hot
water she
made it more bearable
that was mummy
in front of the fire
on the mat I would get
into my pyjamas
night time was set

then off I would go
into my bed
which was cold
actually
something to dread
in those days the winters
were bitter
the frost
clung to the inside
of the windows
it cost

a lot to heat houses
and so of course, we
were colder inside
than outside
seemed to me

water froze inside
on the kitchen sink
people these days
well they wouldn’t think
would they, how cold it
was,
but we got through
and 50 years on
I’m now telling you

hot water was metered
if you had no money
it had to be cold water
and that wasn’t funny
dad didn’t earn much
he seemed to work well
out all hours hopeful
of a way out of hell

it didn’t get better for mum
actually
dad was a grump and a chump
he would be
quiet wouldn’t speak
to mum
No not at all
for months at a time
it drove her up the wall

I decided that I would
would get me a job
I could help my mum
I thought dad was a slob
mum didn’t have anything
much to wear
and no sweets to munch
it seemed so unfair

so I got me a job
on the milk round
and I
earned 2 and 6
and I so I did try
I remembered a lot
and I didn’t break
any bottles or anything
I stayed awake

the Express Dairy was
so pleased with me
they gave me another job
and I could be
filling the stores
5 shillings, I earned
and some milk and a cake
and some tea
well it turned

things around for my mum
it helped in a way
that nothing else helped
it helped her to pay
she bought me insurance
a penny a week
and I bought her some
chocolates
and flowers
what a cheek

I got to know people
who helped me to be
better than I ever thought
that was key
I then worked the paper shop
more money earned
I gave my mum money
again that just turned

her head a bit
she could then buy
milk tray she loved coffee creams
which was why
her health it did suffer
a part for her she
in fact put on weight
which was sad actually

she got bigger and bigger
which kind of led
Nestle condensed milk
and dripping on bread
she loved it and really on that
she seemed well
I couldn’t eat it
for me it was hell

milk was a no no
it made me sick
instantly
and meat I hated it
pick
I picked off the gristle
I picked off the fat
and there was nothing left
you could feed to a cat
dad got annoyed
he was angry with me
and mum took the can
yes I could see

mum would cook it again
and mum and dad ate it
yes I, was a pain
my brother was easy
he ate everything
I was the problem
it was me that did bring
hassle into the equation each day
which did piss off dad
which he often did say

and that didn’t help mum
cos she took the stick
she was the scape goat
which just made me sick
she wanted to go out to work
for a while
in the local bakers
no where with style

where she could meet people
and earn, a crust
and get some samples
but dad wasn’t fussed
he said she could not work
no way would she be
welcome back he if she worked
so you can see
we didn’t have money
his wages were poor
but mum couldn’t help out
he just did ignore

her wants and her needs
she had nothing at all
just a lot old clothes
which just did appal
me, for a women as pretty as she
had been to be landed
in such purgatory

it seemed so so unfair[
in the scheme of things, she
deserved so much more
from her life honestly
I earned more and more
I did jobs galore
I shared more with mother
and I was now sure

the little I gave her
to spend everyday
helped her a bit
it helped her to pay
her Christmas card money
and for odd balls of wool
and the sherbet lemons
she’d suck and that’s all

dad always was jealous
that she’d have an affair
with the bloke in the sweet shop
that’s what mum did share
with me later on
thats why she could not
work which left both of them
with not a lot

she always despised him for making
her stay
in the house
and not go out and work
and help pay

she’d knit and she’d read
and watch the TV
and eat the odd chocolate
and cry constantly
she would hanker to travel
but she never did
if only I just could have lifted
that lid

and seen what she went through
day in and day out
and just how unhappy she
was without doubt
but she’d smile
but inside she was crying, I knew
but really there wasn’t
much that I could do

how I felt for my mum
my poor old mum
who got her breast cancer
which did leave me numb
dad was sick too
they both went downhill fast
and dad he died first
his dye it seemed cast

he died of blood poisoning
riddled with pain
had hardly moved out of his chair
it was plain
drugged up to the eye balls
with hardly a smile
imagine his last hours
a serious trial

they said a post mortem
there would have to be
and I had to identify him
just to see
he was in the morgue
and on that awful day
and him still uncovered
in every way
covered in iodine
his chest and his trunk
they had cut him up
and a big chunk
of me I left there
in that cold place
that day
when I saw the fear
on his face
I did pay

his body was cut about
and open to see
no cover, imagine that
that awful sight
the ogre was dead
they’d switched off his light

a copper was with me
and he told me, we
should never have seen him like that
actually
and I never will forget
that look on bis face
with his body and parts
all over the place

when I got home
I was in a poor state
just seeing him like that
well it wasn’t great
should I tell my mum
should I really share
the misfortune
as she was now lying there

I decided I would
though she did look so white
but she, always smiled, when
she caught sight
of me yes I loved her
and she understood
her battle was long
but her heart it was good

broken I think
but honestly, she
always
just always had some time for me
Mum I said, “daddy he died today”
she looked up at me
and she did say
“that’s good rex”we can now go off to France
you promised to take me
now we have that chance

she was cold
she was weak
as pale as the snow
she gasped and she rasped
yes we can go

of course dear mother
you must now get well
she did sleep peacefully
so I heard tell

the next day
in the office I got a call
your mum is dying
she’s asking
that’s all
I needed
I got in my mini
and I
drove back through the traffic
2 hours
which is why

I did half expect
by the time that I got
back she’d be gone
but in fact she was not
I heard my wife say
Rex is hear mum, and she
was white as a sheet
and as still as could be

she had not moved a muscle
for near on 3 hours
they thought she was dead
but all her inner powers
were held in suspension
until when she heard
rex is here
her eyes opened
and then what occurred
was Reeeeeeeeeeeeeex
one last breath
and then she
was gone
she was gone
she had waited
and waited upon

On this Mothering Sunday
it helped me recall
the happy times
and the sad times
that were all
shared
my dear mother
I loved her so much
as my tears demonstrate
now
we are still in touch

Thank you to my special friend Claudia
who suggested that I wrote these memories up
and that we go together and see the house where I was born
and the first school I went to.We shall go soon
and I am sure that will be another one of life’s experiences