Lets not traduce the MOOSE

Based on a true story

Hunting in North Ontario
Camouflage and all
The Moose around these parts
Are big
You can choose to call
And wait
Among moist meadows
Or game tracts
Or maybe
Use one of the attractants
The Moose urine gels
That be

Available to purchase
Moose urine scrape appear
Really good at getting them
To come closer
And lets be clear

A bloke I knew
Whilst using the urine
Managed to
Spill the contents
Over himself
Not the thing to do

Deciding that was not
A good idea
Thought then that he
Would go back to the lodge
And change his clothes
Immediately

That was not a good idea
For Moose urine it stinks
And on his way back
Tragically he found
A moose
that kind of thinks
Got to him
And smacking him down upon the ground
Was trying to get his way with him
Almost a thousand pound

Clearly very randy
His applecart upset
Rubbing his genitalia
Just trying to get
His way with this poor hunter
Covered in urine
It couldnt have happened to a nicer bloke
With his life now on the line

He lay there feeling sorry
Until his pal came by
And found the wreck of a man
A friend
Who it seemed was about to die

Hunters really sicken me
For them its conservation
Killing is just evil
Small penis and constipation
Thats the be and end all
Of people of this sort
Going out at weekends
And they just call it their sport

For me its bloody murder
And this guy got his reward
Karma struck him earnestly
Gave him something he couldnt afford
The pay back all that agony
But for me what I must say
Is seeing him writhe in agony
It really made my day.

The moose must have been frustrated
Picking on this chump
And rubbing his genetalia
All around his rump
Bruising crushing cracking
Contusions everywhere
And leaving him sexed out for sure
In the darkest of despair

When he was found
His ribs were smashed
His lung had collapsed too
He was close to dying
This story isnt new
MOose are very heavy
And these attractants work
And be smothered in them

They realised what a jerk
He was to make his way alone
With the stench of Moose
Ontario clearly dangerous
When hunters are foot loose