Dread

Being riddled with consternation
Being lost in such dismay
For want of a bit more courage
I hesitate to say
My daughter she has problems
The school she’s at appears
To not understand her predicament
And so heightens her fears

It’s like being alone all day
Lost in an alien place
With other children staring at you
Right into your face
Making nasty remarks to you
Swearing about your mum
It haunts your every moment
And you do,you do feel numb

The teachers so not see you
They just don’t realise
It’s weird inside this bubble
And everyone denies
Your worth your understanding
If it was not for your mum
She is the one who is there for you
She has always been a chum

When they begin to frighten you
As they often do
You feel it in your heart
When you are overawed
And even bored
She shows you the way
If other mothers swear at her
Just because of you
Because they somehow don’t understand
What you are going through

She has to take the can for it
She has to comfort too
She has to grin and bear it
She does what she must do
She is realistic
Autism is your thing
They may come and bully you
It has that awful ring

That ominous behaviour
School isn’t what you thought
Some boys are bloody minded
You can feel overwrought
You can feel so dejected
And frustrated yes you can
Even throughout when try your best
To work out a plan

Something can go pear shaped
Aggression can become
A problem in the playground
When one or two or some
Think they will bash your lights out
And then what should you do
Go tell the headmaster
And be a snitch all through

It’s hard just knowing what to do
And probably it’s best
To wipe it from your memory
And forget you faced this test
Get on with what you do best
Cuddle your mama
Tell her that you love her
Tell her your her star

Give her back some credence
Let her know that you
Want her love her and need her
Whatever else you do
You are not a jelly fish
To be trodden on and hurt
Why do these boys take advantage
Why do they tear your shirt

Try to take your books away
Call you rotten names
Pull your tie and pinch your cap
And trip you up at games
The bedrock of reality
Its hard to come to terms
That potentiality
It’s a can of worms

You know your own identity
And the inferiority
You feel now in the classroom
Which doesn’t have to be
The school would seem to
Neglect you
It’s a handicap alas
You sort of feel unworthy
And somewhat of an ass

You just are not the same as them
Whatever they are you
Need the regularity
Perhaps more than they do
You need that state of order
That methodology
It helps to keep you settled
And that continuity

Keeps you feeling harmonious
Not confused, not in turmoil
Not wound up or uncoordinated
With a temper on the boil
On the autistic spectrum
Is a sequel in a play
That takes you into realms of light
And may help you shy aWay

My help you really focus
Not be pigeon holed and left
As puberty is coming
You must not be left bereft
Lack of understanding
And training comes to be
A problem for so many
And of course for me

I realise I am not the same
My world is upside down
There really is no permanence
Sometimes I go to town
After being sworn at
Or given a had time
That’s why I need my mother
Just to help me climb

Out of self destruction
Up into the light
Away from ruination
To discover what is right
I haven’t reached my true self
My base line is below
I cannot really understand
Where and how to go

Forward it’s so difficult
Uncovering my soul
When all the world is onto me
And Appears out of control

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