ANNE12

In deference to Longleat
Captivity for me
Feels more like what is convenient
With less freedom to be
Myself I am old and weary
My life has not gone well
Circus was a sentence
More akin to hell

An overiding meanness
Even until today
Its their renunuciation of wildness
And I pay
Socially and respectfully
Its their lack of understanding
They are pachydermatous
And I cannot say upstanding

I am female and have feelings
Its distressing to be alone
Whatever excuses Longleat makes
The soreness that is sown
In my heart and body
An exposed nerve dare I say
I am particularly perceptive
About what I lose each day

The natural world means everything
To me my eyes may dwell
On trees and plants on grass and earth
The wind the rain is well
Part of my existence
And friendship means so much
Not listening to the radio
But just staying in touch

With others I can relate to
Not be paralysed with fear
Not be left where I dont want to be
Its not my fault thats clear
The atrocity of being
Shamefaced and alone
In a sterile enclosure
Where I blunder about and moan

I just feel so uneasy
Doing penance for my past
Its hard to recant and look ahead
For I feel now that I am cast
In an alien world where humanity
Has rubbed out my wild soul
Has nullified my wishes
And just taken control

I hear the sobs of others
Captivity for all
Condemned and feeling guilty
It drives me up the wall
It just feels like a punishment
That I am carrying the can
Despite the dreams engendered
Its more to do with man

There is no joy to speak of
Being with a friend
Talking about the old times
Not having to defend
Myself against there is a great cloud
Thats always over me
Its scheming and its underhand
And just derogatory

And basically I shut off
Search my inner soul
They look at me they feed me
They have the control
By their manipulation
Their shifty shuffling ways
I feel they sold me down the river
And how my aura pays

For me my conscience remains clear
Thats my saving grace
I suppose I believe in justice
But its not here in this place
I feel I am more a nuisance
Its not high principled at all
Its as if I was never really loved
And I am here for the long haul

I really need a bosom friend
That is my one desire
All these years stuck on my own
Has engaged an inner fire
For man unkind to register
And abandon me to this
Is iniquitous deprivation
Its ungodly and I so miss

That comfort and that moderation
Be it tempered be it strong
The matriarchal influence
In me it does belong
The maleness of the keepers
Their physical attitude
Oblivious of my feelings
And often very crude

Use of feminine logic
Intuitiveness abroad
Having a sixth sense most of the time
Honed with real accord
Having that gut reaction
That hunch thats always there
But feeling that specious argument
That draws out more despair

Their illogicality
Their quibbling display
Its always contradictory
Every single day
Incongruous and unwarranted
Untenable and unsound
I really want to go to France
And leave this Longleat ground