Tongue in cheek

Ladies and gentlemen
What you, have to know
Is that druidic History
From me does flow
The banter of Santa
Came from the green man
With a bush for a face
Well that was the plan

The Norse God Odin
Had a white beard
Had very good eye sight

For his horse he steered
Up into the sky
At Yule so they say
And children gave him gifts
All Along the way

Now we see obviously
What happened here
They pinched the story
Thats very clear
The green man was green
Father Christmas became
Red with a cotton wool beard
Yea the same

Eighty four years ago
Some bloke said he
Knew Santa Claus loved the drink
The CC
Of course coca cola
Also red and white
Load up a sack
And ride though the night

Over the forest lit by the moon
Down there in clumps fly agaric
In tune
red with white spots on
Amonita by chance
It attracts those who fly to an
Ibotenic romance

In Stone Henge
The great granite
structure of olde
With the castle in ruins
On a new one I’m sold

A dram of the hard stuff
And oat porridge too
On a cold frosty night
Does great things for you

I be a new member
Of the Cotswold DO
Teaching my druid friends
All that I know

Thats why I studied for
All of my days
So you lot can offer me
A portion of praise

And what of the mistletoe
How come its here
And its very druidic
Well its very clear

Its called VISCUM al.BUM
And apparently it
Can thank a wee bird
Who is having a poo
A scratching
the bark
With their talons and we
Find the spore of the flower
Where it shouldn’t be

Lodged under the bark to grow
When it can
apple and lime
Poplar’s a fan
You see once again
How all this began

The doctrine of signatures
Possibly you
Have heard about them
Which is why it is true
We get kissed if we are lucky
Under a bunch
As for me I’M the bard
All I do is eat lunch

And write a few odes
Thats the job I am afraid
Like the white bulls in time
Of course I shall fade
Out of your lives
DIOeciously me
Happy yule pull the wool
Over all eyes
And be