Amy Just a few thoughts.

To be out on your own with no one around
An unfathomable time in it all, you are drowned
There are people around you the parasites who
Hang on to your boot straps but what does that do

Its like walking through gravel you cannot get free
And it seems to go on for an eternity
To endure is to be to maintain is to see
Life’s great adventure bearing down fast on thee

How did it all come about when did I
Feel I could sing and relate to the sky
All of my frailty it took away
Some of my confidence for to display

To be me was stressful where ever I go
The paparazzo their numbers just grow
So many eyes bearing down on one’s soul
You can’t get away its like they control

Every move, you open your eyes look out of the window
And there are the guys
Its constant the noise and the clatter its hell
And its hard to keep going and always feel well

It all came so early I was just 14
Writing my songs for my own music scene
Expanding my thoughts creating my sound
Like a bottomless pit down deep in the ground

Out of which I was searching for some form of light
Some pinnacle really however slight
Why was it so difficult how could it be
As dark as it was and so hard to see

Drinking was sort of a nice way to go
A contraposition not part of the flow
But it was so easy to just knock it back
The warmth in the throat as I hit the sack

The rawness the vagueness the ill defined whole
Artless and unshapely drawn through my soul
The stress and the strain and the bias all there
Binging was taking me over to where

Filling my stomach then choking it free
I know and I felt what it was doing to me
In the bog always puking my heart up it stinks
And it weakens your body more than one thinks

And all of my life was outside everywhere
They all knew my story but I didn’t care
Pissed out of my brain box and exhausted as well
Feeling sick all the time and pissing like hell

Its no way to feel in the spring of one’s life
Those razors felt right and relieved the strife
Out in the spotlight giving your all
Takes it out of you really when you know you will fall

I was drinking too much and feeling the pain
Loving and losing and going insane
Feeling nobody loved me like I loved them, I
Was reaching my depths again wondering why

So many tears, its what people do its a kind of release
Its not good to be blue
Not all the time in ones waking hours
Inclined to cry all the time as ones powers

Drift far away which was what mine were doing
The albums were selling the parasites they
Were always around me making me pay
For the air that I breathed and the water I drank
By now I was loaded with cash in the bank

I got to thinking then really so what
I needed love not one huge empty plot
Of nothingness not real emotion for me
No one to touch and say nice things and be

Comforted by it all sensuously
Physical pain was oft by my side
Possibly even to myself I denied
The approach of this wave of dark energy I
Was facing now coupled with wondering why

No physical pleasure being tactile I missed
The want of another I would just resist
Was not touchy feely not any more
Suffering badly I would fall on the floor

Be pale like a snow fairy eye bags so full
And feel a sickness a mysterious pull
Down into the depths where depression I met
An absence of thoughts and I was just set

Forth on pathways to somewhere But I
Was not really sure i just needed to fly
To get out of this dump of a life I had now
And change the scenery really somehow

With the librium And alcohol it made me sick
I was vomiting everyday
i couldn’t pick
a time really when I wanted to sing
To be on the stage anymore and just bring

All of that stuff up and not have to pay
All I wanted to do now was clear it Way
I was fucking exhausted trying to clear
All these sad thoughts and all of the fear

i would whimper and cry in my sleep every night
Gulp some vodka down and switch off the light

And thenI feel so awful and tired out and I
Have been imagining if I should die
What would it be like what would I see
And really what would now become of me

I remembered I just fell down on the bed
I couldn’t undress my head was like lead
I’djust sleep it off and tomorrow would try
And get back to living with my new guy