As its Mothering Sunday
\nI thought, that I
\nwould remember my mother
\nand, wonder why
\nin so many ways
\nshe chose that role
\nand how she approached her
\ntrue life time goal<\/p>\n
of course, she had me,
\nat a time when she
\nwas in a control room
\nshe was key
\nwhen the sirens sounded
\nshe was there
\nin her navy blue’s
\nshe was just where
\nshe had to be
\nin the NFS
\na young fire women
\nwith so much stress<\/p>\n
the black out
\nclearly a frightening time
\nbut she proud to serve
\nand how she did climb
\nout of the real peaceful world
\nthat she knew
\nand into that battlefield
\nso in her view<\/p>\n
she had lovely hair
\nthat she brushed every day
\na mass of dark curls
\nthat just seemed to stay
\nin place
\ndespite bombs
\nand flares
\nand the Ack Ack guns
\nshe’d say her prayers
\nand be in the thick of the action
\nfor she
\nwas dispatching appliances
\nyes instantly<\/p>\n
Dad was a leading fireman, who
\nworked on the fires
\nwith his old crew
\nthey were testing times
\nfor London now burned
\na night time barrage
\nand everyone learned
\nthe violent tremors
\nand broken glass
\nall really hoping the flying bombs
\npass<\/p>\n
ration books
\nand really times of great woe
\nbut mother apparently seemed to grow
\nand grow
\nshe ran the home
\nand she bore me
\non little food
\nand such adversity<\/p>\n
and no doubt worried
\nfor dad because he
\nwas in the thick of it
\nand constantly
\nthe love bug had smitten her
\nand she did see
\nand very soon after
\nshe gave birth to me<\/p>\n
it must have been hard
\nfor money was tight
\nbut somehow together
\nthey saw me al’right
\nthe Anderson shelter
\nthe sirens although
\nI was only little
\nI remember, you know<\/p>\n
the way my dear mother
\nlooked after me
\nwrapped me in swaddling clothes
\nrapidly
\nshe would get wet
\nbut they’d keep me dry
\nas we ran to the shelter
\nI mean she could die<\/p>\n
but up in her arms
\nI was safe
\nI was warm
\nwith my own little mask
\nin the eye of a storm<\/p>\n
such a harrowing time
\nfor my mother from Lee
\nto take on a family
\nand a war and still be
\nborn to a real master baker’s wife
\nwho
\nmade bread and made cakes
\nand confectionery too<\/p>\n
it was so often, wet cold
\nand dark
\nbut our house got through it all
\nand mum made her mark
\nshe cleaned and she washed
\nand always cuddled me
\nbut was scared of the mice
\nthat lived in the pantry<\/p>\n
so many mice she would jump
\non a chair
\nclearly these wee ones
\ndid seem to scare
\nmother but she baked
\nher fairy cakes there
\nshe was always at home
\nshe showed she did care<\/p>\n
One day I recall
\nI was laying awake
\non the kitchen table
\nin a basket just take
\nyourselves back all these years
\nand see what I saw
\nover the roof
\non the house just next door<\/p>\n
a plane with a swastika
\nblack on its wings
\nmy eyes met his
\nnow the fright that that brings
\nhis machine gunner
\ncould have cleared me away
\nwith one push on the trigger
\nof course I would pay<\/p>\n
I can still see those blue eyes
\nthat blonde shock of hair
\nI cannot remember much more
\nso aware
\nwas I
\nof that moment
\nbut thankfully he
\ndecided in that split second
\nto be<\/p>\n
off with his wide open eyes
\nhe was gone
\nI was a baby
\nlying upon
\na table
\nI really did not know the score
\nbut who ever he was
\nyes I was now sure<\/p>\n
4 sad years later my brother came
\nbut mother for me
\nwas always the same
\nloving and sweet
\na most caring soul
\nand in her quiet way
\nshe stayed in control<\/p>\n
but dad he was grumpy
\nsuch a moody guy
\nhe’d soon lost what sparkle
\nhe had in his eye
\nhe did rule the roost
\nhow he ‘d moan at my mum
\nwho paled into insignificance
\nunder his thumb<\/p>\n
everyday we went out
\nto the shops
\nshe would buy
\nsomething to cook
\nand perhaps make a pie
\nI’d help push the pram
\nthough for me it was high
\nI would sing and had long curly hair
\nwhich was why<\/p>\n
mum I think harked back
\nto when she had me
\nhopeful a sweet little girl
\nshe might see
\nthis is me thinking about that today
\nat the time well
\nit didn’t affect me
\nI’d say<\/p>\n
her way
\nit was loving and lovely
\nand I did enjoy
\ngoing shopping I was
\nher favourite boy
\nthose years after the war
\nbrought masses of stress
\nfor really the world
\nwas in such a mess<\/p>\n
mum wasn’t happy
\nshe cried such a lot
\nand in front of me too
\nwhich really was not
\ngood for I wondered
\nwhat I could do
\nhow could I help her
\nto be happy too<\/p>\n
most of the day
\ndad wasn’t there
\nI think mum was finding him
\nreal hard to bear
\nshe was his servant
\nat his beck and call
\nhe moaned all the time
\nand just wanted to rule<\/p>\n
get this and get that
\nand do this and try
\nand make better food
\nand so she did cry
\nI think she cried oceans
\nof tears
\nand I know
\nsometimes she was happy
\nwhen dad did go<\/p>\n
to work
\nshe seemed settled
\nand quiet in her way
\nand spent her whole life
\nreally feeling this way
\nwhen dad came home
\nhe did not do a lot
\nhe’d just sit in his chair
\nand moan
\nand she got<\/p>\n
a lot of stick really
\nfor this and for that
\nthe spuds were too hard
\nthe pie was too flat
\nthe sugar was lumpy
\nthe salt lumpy too
\nthe apples were sour
\nand the custard like glue<\/p>\n
all little things
\nbut still I could see
\nthey did mean so much
\nto my dear mummy
\nas the years passed
\nso they did grow apart
\nI think my dear mum
\nhad a real broken heart<\/p>\n
she never had much
\nthat’s now my view
\nbut she loved to read
\nand I loved to, too
\nshe loved the romances
\nI got for her
\nfrom
\nTorridon library
\nwith so much aplomb<\/p>\n
I chose them each week
\nand she did love them so
\nwith detective novels also
\nin tow
\nshe’d sit by the fire
\nand nod off
\nthen say
\nget ready for bed Rex
\nput your soldiers away<\/p>\n
I had some lead soldiers
\nbattered and old
\nand I played on the floor
\nbut did what I was told
\nwith water on meter
\nwe tended to be washing in water
\nthat was cold generally<\/p>\n
perhaps with a kettle of hot
\nwater she
\nmade it more bearable
\nthat was mummy
\nin front of the fire
\non the mat I would get
\ninto my pyjamas
\nnight time was set<\/p>\n
then off I would go
\ninto my bed
\nwhich was cold
\nactually
\nsomething to dread
\nin those days the winters
\nwere bitter
\nthe frost
\nclung to the inside
\nof the windows
\nit cost<\/p>\n
a lot to heat houses
\nand so of course, we
\nwere colder inside
\nthan outside
\nseemed to me<\/p>\n
water froze inside
\non the kitchen sink
\npeople these days
\nwell they wouldn’t think
\nwould they, how cold it
\nwas,
\nbut we got through
\nand 50 years on
\nI’m now telling you<\/p>\n
hot water was metered
\nif you had no money
\nit had to be cold water
\nand that wasn’t funny
\ndad didn’t earn much
\nhe seemed to work well
\nout all hours hopeful
\nof a way out of hell<\/p>\n
it didn’t get better for mum
\nactually
\ndad was a grump and a chump
\nhe would be
\nquiet wouldn’t speak
\nto mum
\nNo not at all
\nfor months at a time
\nit drove her up the wall<\/p>\n
I decided that I would
\nwould get me a job
\nI could help my mum
\nI thought dad was a slob
\nmum didn’t have anything
\n much to wear
\nand no sweets to munch
\nit seemed so unfair<\/p>\n
so I got me a job
\non the milk round
\nand I
\nearned 2 and 6
\nand I so I did try
\nI remembered a lot
\nand I didn’t break
\nany bottles or anything
\nI stayed awake<\/p>\n
the Express Dairy was
\nso pleased with me
\nthey gave me another job
\nand I could be
\nfilling the stores
\n5 shillings, I earned
\nand some milk and a cake
\nand some tea
\nwell it turned<\/p>\n
things around for my mum
\nit helped in a way
\nthat nothing else helped
\nit helped her to pay
\nshe bought me insurance
\na penny a week
\nand I bought her some
\nchocolates
\nand flowers
\nwhat a cheek<\/p>\n
I got to know people
\nwho helped me to be
\nbetter than I ever thought
\nthat was key
\nI then worked the paper shop
\nmore money earned
\nI gave my mum money
\nagain that just turned<\/p>\n
her head a bit
\nshe could then buy
\nmilk tray she loved coffee creams
\nwhich was why
\nher health it did suffer
\na part for her she
\nin fact put on weight
\nwhich was sad actually<\/p>\n
she got bigger and bigger
\nwhich kind of led
\nNestle condensed milk
\nand dripping on bread
\nshe loved it and really on that
\nshe seemed well
\nI couldn’t eat it
\nfor me it was hell<\/p>\n
milk was a no no
\nit made me sick
\ninstantly
\nand meat I hated it
\npick
\nI picked off the gristle
\nI picked off the fat
\nand there was nothing left
\nyou could feed to a cat
\ndad got annoyed
\nhe was angry with me
\nand mum took the can
\nyes I could see<\/p>\n
mum would cook it again
\nand mum and dad ate it
\nyes I, was a pain
\nmy brother was easy
\nhe ate everything
\nI was the problem
\nit was me that did bring
\nhassle into the equation each day
\nwhich did piss off dad
\nwhich he often did say<\/p>\n
and that didn’t help mum
\ncos she took the stick
\nshe was the scape goat
\nwhich just made me sick
\nshe wanted to go out to work
\nfor a while
\nin the local bakers
\nno where with style<\/p>\n
where she could meet people
\nand earn, a crust
\nand get some samples
\nbut dad wasn’t fussed
\nhe said she could not work
\nno way would she be
\nwelcome back he if she worked
\nso you can see
\nwe didn’t have money
\nhis wages were poor
\nbut mum couldn’t help out
\nhe just did ignore<\/p>\n
her wants and her needs
\nshe had nothing at all
\njust a lot old clothes
\nwhich just did appal
\nme, for a women as pretty as she
\nhad been to be landed
\nin such purgatory<\/p>\n
it seemed so so unfair[
\nin the scheme of things, she
\ndeserved so much more
\nfrom her life honestly
\nI earned more and more
\nI did jobs galore
\nI shared more with mother
\nand I was now sure<\/p>\n
the little I gave her
\nto spend everyday
\nhelped her a bit
\nit helped her to pay
\nher Christmas card money
\nand for odd balls of wool
\nand the sherbet lemons
\nshe’d suck and that’s all<\/p>\n
dad always was jealous
\nthat she’d have an affair
\nwith the bloke in the sweet shop
\nthat’s what mum did share
\nwith me later on
\nthats why she could not
\nwork which left both of them
\nwith not a lot <\/p>\n
she always despised him for making
\nher stay
\nin the house
\nand not go out and work
\nand help pay<\/p>\n
she’d knit and she’d read
\nand watch the TV
\nand eat the odd chocolate
\nand cry constantly
\nshe would hanker to travel
\nbut she never did
\nif only I just could have lifted
\nthat lid<\/p>\n
and seen what she went through
\nday in and day out
\nand just how unhappy she
\nwas without doubt
\nbut she’d smile
\nbut inside she was crying, I knew
\nbut really there wasn’t
\nmuch that I could do<\/p>\n
how I felt for my mum
\nmy poor old mum
\nwho got her breast cancer
\nwhich did leave me numb
\ndad was sick too
\nthey both went downhill fast
\nand dad he died first
\nhis dye it seemed cast<\/p>\n
he died of blood poisoning
\nriddled with pain
\nhad hardly moved out of his chair
\nit was plain
\ndrugged up to the eye balls
\nwith hardly a smile
\nimagine his last hours
\na serious trial<\/p>\n
they said a post mortem
\nthere would have to be
\nand I had to identify him
\njust to see
\nhe was in the morgue
\nand on that awful day
\nand him still uncovered
\nin every way
\ncovered in iodine
\nhis chest and his trunk
\nthey had cut him up
\nand a big chunk
\nof me I left there
\nin that cold place
\nthat day
\nwhen I saw the fear
\non his face
\nI did pay<\/p>\n
his body was cut about
\nand open to see
\nno cover, imagine that
\nthat awful sight
\nthe ogre was dead
\nthey’d switched off his light<\/p>\n
a copper was with me
\nand he told me, we
\nshould never have seen him like that
\nactually
\nand I never will forget
\nthat look on bis face
\nwith his body and parts
\nall over the place<\/p>\n
when I got home
\nI was in a poor state
\njust seeing him like that
\nwell it wasn’t great
\nshould I tell my mum
\nshould I really share
\nthe misfortune
\nas she was now lying there<\/p>\n
I decided I would
\nthough she did look so white
\nbut she, always smiled, when
\nshe caught sight
\nof me yes I loved her
\nand she understood
\nher battle was long
\nbut her heart it was good<\/p>\n
broken I think
\nbut honestly, she
\nalways
\njust always had some time for me
\nMum I said, “daddy he died today”
\nshe looked up at me
\nand she did say
\n“that’s good rex”we can now go off to France
\nyou promised to take me
\nnow we have that chance<\/p>\n
she was cold
\nshe was weak
\nas pale as the snow
\nshe gasped and she rasped
\nyes we can go<\/p>\n
of course dear mother
\nyou must now get well
\nshe did sleep peacefully
\nso I heard tell<\/p>\n
the next day
\nin the office I got a call
\nyour mum is dying
\nshe’s asking
\nthat’s all
\nI needed
\nI got in my mini
\nand I
\ndrove back through the traffic
\n2 hours
\nwhich is why<\/p>\n
I did half expect
\nby the time that I got
\nback she’d be gone
\nbut in fact she was not
\nI heard my wife say
\nRex is hear mum, and she
\nwas white as a sheet
\nand as still as could be<\/p>\n
she had not moved a muscle
\nfor near on 3 hours
\nthey thought she was dead
\nbut all her inner powers
\nwere held in suspension
\nuntil when she heard
\nrex is here
\nher eyes opened
\nand then what occurred
\nwas Reeeeeeeeeeeeeex
\none last breath
\nand then she
\nwas gone
\nshe was gone
\nshe had waited
\nand waited upon<\/p>\n
On this Mothering Sunday
\nit helped me recall
\nthe happy times
\nand the sad times
\nthat were all
\nshared
\nmy dear mother
\nI loved her so much
\nas my tears demonstrate
\nnow
\nwe are still in touch<\/p>\n
Thank you to my special friend Claudia
\nwho suggested that I wrote these memories up
\nand that we go together and see the house where I was born
\nand the first school I went to.We shall go soon
\nand I am sure that will be another one of life’s experiences<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As its Mothering Sunday I thought, that I would remember my mother and, wonder why in so many ways she chose that role and how she approached her true life time goal of course, she had me, at a time … Continue reading