To be out on your own with no one around
\nAn unfathomable time in it all, you are drowned
\nThere are people around you the parasites who
\nHang on to your boot straps but what does that do<\/p>\n
Its like walking through gravel you cannot get free
\nAnd it seems to go on for an eternity
\nTo endure is to be to maintain is to see
\nLife’s great adventure bearing down fast on thee<\/p>\n
How did it all come about when did I
\nFeel I could sing and relate to the sky
\nAll of my frailty it took away
\nSome of my confidence for to display<\/p>\n
To be me was stressful where ever I go
\nThe paparazzo their numbers just grow
\nSo many eyes bearing down on one’s soul
\nYou can’t get away its like they control<\/p>\n
Every move, you open your eyes look out of the window
\nAnd there are the guys
\nIts constant the noise and the clatter its hell
\nAnd its hard to keep going and always feel well<\/p>\n
It all came so early I was just 14
\nWriting my songs for my own music scene
\nExpanding my thoughts creating my sound
\nLike a bottomless pit down deep in the ground<\/p>\n
Out of which I was searching for some form of light
\nSome pinnacle really however slight
\nWhy was it so difficult how could it be
\nAs dark as it was and so hard to see<\/p>\n
Drinking was sort of a nice way to go
\nA contraposition not part of the flow
\nBut it was so easy to just knock it back
\nThe warmth in the throat as I hit the sack<\/p>\n
The rawness the vagueness the ill defined whole
\nArtless and unshapely drawn through my soul
\nThe stress and the strain and the bias all there
\nBinging was taking me over to where<\/p>\n
Filling my stomach then choking it free
\nI know and I felt what it was doing to me
\nIn the bog always puking my heart up it stinks
\nAnd it weakens your body more than one thinks<\/p>\n
And all of my life was outside everywhere
\nThey all knew my story but I didn’t care
\nPissed out of my brain box and exhausted as well
\nFeeling sick all the time and pissing like hell<\/p>\n
Its no way to feel in the spring of one’s life
\nThose razors felt right and relieved the strife
\nOut in the spotlight giving your all
\nTakes it out of you really when you know you will fall<\/p>\n
I was drinking too much and feeling the pain
\nLoving and losing and going insane
\nFeeling nobody loved me like I loved them, I
\nWas reaching my depths again wondering why<\/p>\n
So many tears, its what people do its a kind of release
\nIts not good to be blue
\nNot all the time in ones waking hours
\nInclined to cry all the time as ones powers<\/p>\n
Drift far away which was what mine were doing
\nThe albums were selling the parasites they
\nWere always around me making me pay
\nFor the air that I breathed and the water I drank
\nBy now I was loaded with cash in the bank<\/p>\n
I got to thinking then really so what
\nI needed love not one huge empty plot
\nOf nothingness not real emotion for me
\nNo one to touch and say nice things and be<\/p>\n
Comforted by it all sensuously
\nPhysical pain was oft by my side
\nPossibly even to myself I denied
\nThe approach of this wave of dark energy I
\nWas facing now coupled with wondering why<\/p>\n
No physical pleasure being tactile I missed
\nThe want of another I would just resist
\nWas not touchy feely not any more
\nSuffering badly I would fall on the floor<\/p>\n
Be pale like a snow fairy eye bags so full
\nAnd feel a sickness a mysterious pull
\nDown into the depths where depression I met
\nAn absence of thoughts and I was just set<\/p>\n
Forth on pathways to somewhere But I
\nWas not really sure i just needed to fly
\nTo get out of this dump of a life I had now
\nAnd change the scenery really somehow<\/p>\n
With the librium And alcohol it made me sick
\nI was vomiting everyday
\ni couldn’t pick
\na time really when I wanted to sing
\nTo be on the stage anymore and just bring<\/p>\n
All of that stuff up and not have to pay
\nAll I wanted to do now was clear it Way
\nI was fucking exhausted trying to clear
\nAll these sad thoughts and all of the fear<\/p>\n
i would whimper and cry in my sleep every night
\nGulp some vodka down and switch off the light<\/p>\n
And thenI feel so awful and tired out and I
\nHave been imagining if I should die
\nWhat would it be like what would I see
\nAnd really what would now become of me<\/p>\n
I remembered I just fell down on the bed
\nI couldn’t undress my head was like lead
\nI’djust sleep it off and tomorrow would try
\nAnd get back to living with my new guy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To be out on your own with no one around An unfathomable time in it all, you are drowned There are people around you the parasites who Hang on to your boot straps but what does that do Its like … Continue reading